Journal

American Beauty and more

I definitely shouldn’t have rewatched American Beauty during exams.

I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain, and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But don’t worry. You will someday.

– Lester Burnham

It is one of the films I use to cheer myself up on really bad days, but it is best avoided if there are plans to work afterward. It doesn’t bring happiness, rather replaces a bad mood with a soothing melancholy — the kind that heightens one’s senses and breaks one’s spirits in a beautiful way — and let’s face it, that is much more desirable than happiness. For happiness is shallow and a depressed mind rarely wants to attain it by compromising depth.

All that is good, except when you are in a study-or-fail situation. I was feeling a little bold yesterday after completing the task of writing a troublesome report and decided to watch American Beauty to reward myself. After all, I had watched it two times already, it couldn’t possibly affect me as much on the third time, right?

Afterwards, I stayed up all night. My room was hot and humid and there was a pleasant breeze outside. The only logical thing to do was to stand on the open corridor till daybreak and think random thoughts and hum random tunes, all the while feeling like the luckiest person on earth.

Today, I went ahead and learned Any Other Name (a piece of music from the film’s soundtrack) on the piano. It is delightfully easy to play while being so haunting and beautiful. Here’s a recording:

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